I’m not gonna settle
Not gonna do the same old thing
‘Til I die.
I want to live.
Breathe.
For as long as I can, yes,
But really live in the meantime.
“Peace” is alluring
But it’s not worth the sacrifice
[But isn’t it?]
It’s not worth the self-contradiction
Or the self-effacement
Or the self-loathing
But there is a life that’s worthy.
Worthy of time.
Of devotion.
Of love.
Of sacrifice–not the sacrifice of the self:
Me–the real me–
But of my self-image
Of the self that is an amalgamation of what Dad was or wasn’t
And what I should or shouldn’t be.
What I have, what I do, what other people say about me.
To settle into a lived existence
An experienced existence
Full of contradiction
